As Long As Everyone’s Happy

Way too often I find myself trying to make sure everyone’s happy, even at the expense of my own happiness. Being a People Pleaser is a trait that I wish I could put six feet under. So far I have not yet figured out how to do that. I would love to get some suggestions! I’m thinking that this stems from a combination of a couple different common introvert characteristics: an aversion to conflict and not wanting to inconvenience anyone.

While aversion to conflict keeps me from getting caught up in big things that happen infrequently, like debating politics, arguments with friends and family, or disagreements on how to parent, it’s the strong urge to never be a bother to anyone else that rears its ugly head everyday that keeps me awake at night. It’s always the little things, isn’t it?

I imagine non-introverts would view these little things as mere pet peeves, but to me, they’re straws that keep building up until the camel’s back is completely severed. Too many of these in one day can easily lead to a week-long recharge session. Hopefully someone can relate. Here’s a short list:

**When a fast food joint gets my order wrong and it’s expected that I take it back to the counter.

**When the pizza place promised a 30 minute delivery and still haven’t shown up after an hour. Calling them to check on my order is completely unheard of.

**When someone is directly in my path walking towards me, and they assume that I’m the one who should move out of the way. If I’m in a crowd, it can be a series of bobbing and weaving while the other people just barrel on through.

**When someone needs to give me some cash and they remove their shoe to retrieve the money out of their sock…and I take it. Ewww!

**When I’m offered a drink or some other type of refreshment, I will not accept it.

**When someone has stopped in the middle of the aisle in the grocery store to text someone and they park their cart directly in front of the item I need. Rather than asking them to move, I’ll pretend to be looking for something else until they’re finished.

In order to keep my sanity, I have to rationalize all of this, and I do it in a couple different ways.

One is to always give the other person the benefit of the doubt: I must’ve forgotten to ask for no pickles at the burger joint; the pizza delivery person could’ve gotten a flat tire; the person at the outlet mall must be in more of a hurry than me, so I shoud be the one to deviate my path.

Another thing I do, in classic overthinking style, is give them backstories: the sock money dude recently had his wallet stolen and hadn’t purchased a new one yet. He just got out of the shower and put on clean socks, so the sock money really wasn’t dirty. Plus, he was hesitant to keep money in a pocket or anywhere where it could make him a repeat theft victim; the rundown, overworked mom who hasn’t made it to the grocery store in over a week just offered me the last bottle of water she has, which is supposed to go in her son’s lunch box tomorrow. Even though I am thirsty, I couldn’t possibly accept; the lady who did make it to the grocery store had no choice but to stop right where she was because she got a text from her son who was stuck somewhere with no way to get home. If the roles were reversed, I would be grateful for the same patience to be shown to me.

However, even with all of this rationalizing, I still feel defeated when all is said and done, because all I’m really doing is making excuses for these people and putting my own wants and needs on the back burner. I’m telling myself that everyone else is more important than me. And while that can be an admirable trait, the way I do this is pure self-depracation and harmful to my self-worth. How in the world do I find the confidence to stick up for myself?