Feelings Of Guilt
Guilt is one of those inescapable emotions that can crawl under your skin and fester. It annoys the crap out of me! I can’t get away from it. Everywhere I turn, there it is, lurking around every corner, ready to pounce if I’m having some semblance of a good, productive day. Why do I feel guilty ALL the time? It can be absolutely suffocating. These are the type of the things that go through my head. Do they sound familiar to anyone?
The dishes are stacking up and there’s cat fur floating across the floor. I must be lazy.
I put my hand in my pocket at the grocery store to check what coupons I have. People must think I’m shoplifting.
My son didn’t have a clean jersey for practice. I’m a horrible parent.
I didn’t ask my neighbor how their vacation went. I’m a bad friend.
I didn’t give my coworker a Thank You card for their hard work on a project. I’m not thoughtful.
My husband wanted to watch a movie with me, but I read my book instead. I’m so selfish.
Anyone else feel guilty a lot? Just Me?
Surely there are other introverts that have this chronic feeling of guilt about most things in their life. Anyone? No? Just me? Well, I am old enough to know, through experience, that when I feel like I’m suffering a unique situation, I’m really not. Someone (usually many someones) have been or are going through the exact same thing. My rational thoughts tell me that I’m not alone in this, but it feels like I am. I think it’s because, as an introvert, I’d choose to suffer in silence before burdening someone else with my problems. So I won’t hear their almost identical story, how they could relate to me, and how they got over it.
As Long As Everyone’s Happy
Yes, introverts are famous for not wanting to be a bother or inconvenience anyone. I wrote a blog post about this almost a year ago. You can read it here. But guess what! Some of us feel guilty about not valuing our own wants and needs more. How messed up is that?
Jessy Wrigley wrote an article for My Online Therapy called “Why Do I Feel Guilty For No Reason?” In it she says, “…you can’t please everyone, and in trying to do so, you lose sight of your own needs. In fact, you might even struggle to recognize that you have needs. Because of this, you might find yourself racked with guilt anytime you need to assert yourself or uphold boundaries. Deep down believing that if you shift the focus to your own needs, you’ll be faced with [rejection].”
This Can’t Be Healthy
Actually, guilt can be a healthy thing. It serves as kind of a moral compass that kicks us in the ass when we’ve done something wrong or dishonest. However I feel that introverts experience chronic guilt, or “fake guilt”, as some psychologists refer to it. Fake guilt is the phenomenon of feeling guilty about somehting you did (or didn’t do) that was in no way wrong, immoral, or unethical. This is what can’t be healthy!
And it certainly isn’t. It completely interferes with our emotions and can lead to feelings of sadness, depression, and shame. It causes anxiety and a sense of unworthiness that negatively impacts our quality of life.
I Don’t Want To Feel Guilty For No Reason. Help Me!
I know in my brain that my fake guilt is merely that nagging little whisper inside me that wreaks havoc on my sense of self-worth. In my heart of hearts I know that I am worthy, that I am loved, and that I matter. So I don’t understand why I allow that “guilt snake” in the door.
If you’re finding yourself reading this and saying, “Yeah!”, then you’re my people! And if you’ve discovered a way to combat your fake guilt, how in the world did you do it? Please comment and let me know because this is definitely a battle I need to win. Thanks in advance!