The Socially Anxious Introvert

I have known since the moment I learned the term “introvert” that I was one, without a doubt. I’ve never questioned it. That’s why I’m quiet, why I never want to stay at gatherings very long, and why I can’t stand drama and conflict. I never thought to look for a more root cause. So when my quirky behaviors, like needing an entire pep rally to happen before I can talk on the phone, really started to affect my life, I just chalked it up to my introversion and toughed it out. Suck it up, buttercup! Right?

There have been times, though, that I’ve met someone new and when I tell them I’m an introvert, they seem surprised. What? I wouldn’t have guessed that, they’ll say, and I always thought that was odd. I feel it’s so blatantly obvious…how can you not see that about me?

But what if they’re on to something? What if there is more to it? I’ve been on this blogging journey for about 6 months now, and I thought I knew myself pretty well, but with each post I learn more and more about my personality and my behavior. Last week I devoured articles, posts and stories about how to tell the difference between introversion and social anxiety. They are oh so similar, but have a “plot twist” when it comes to the reasoning behind them.

First, I did a self check. Let’s see… Introvert = having a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments. Yep, that’s definitely me! Slap that Introvert name tag on my shirt.

Hang on, though… Anxiety = having excessive fear, worry, and nervousness that gets in the way of living your life. Well, yeah, I can put a checkmark in that box too. What’s the deal? Which am I?

The correct answer to that would be…BOTH! One article I read said that statistically social anxiety is more prevalent in introverts than in extroverts. (Extroverts can have it too??? Why yes, yes they can).

Here’s an example of the way the thought process differs. Let’s say I hear one of my friends talking about planning a pool party.

Introverted me = Hmmm, I’m so close to the end of a novel that I am completely entrenched in, but I’m also quietly longing to be included in the party. I love hanging poolside with drinks, snacks and some music playing in the background; the hot sun shining down countered by a cool light breeze that keeps it comfortable; a few people milling around. Sure! I’d love to come for an hour or so. Let me grab my beach towel!

Social Anxiety me = What? You invited everyone on the block and told them to bring friends? Even that obnoxious guy who has two volumes…loud and louder, and thinks his opinion is the only one that matters? The same one who made fun of me in front of everyone because I don’t like pickles? What if he does something like that again? People will laugh at me and think I’m weird. Thanks so much for the invite, but I have something I need to take care of tonight.

It’s subtle, but the difference is there. I do want to spend more time studying so I can write more in depth posts about Introversion vs. Social Anxiety, but for now, suffice it to say, when these two combine, I’m sorry, but this socially anxious introvert is running for the hills.