Hugs. One of the best and worst things in the world. Some introverts have a sizable personal space bubble (I think mine is a lot bigger than most), but not all of us have an aversion to hugging like I do. I’m not saying that I don’t love a good hug, but it has to be from the right person at the right time.
I’ve been overthinking this post and putting it off for a very long time out of fear that I might offend those I know who are huggers, but I’m hoping that if they read this they’ll understand that it’s not that I don’t want a hug specifically from them. It’s that I’m an equal opportunity non-hugger.
For me, to give a real, unexpected hug means that I’m inviting you into my personal space, past the boundary I have that protects me. It means I trust you, which doesn’t happen easily, and that I feel you’ve accepted me for who I truly am and wouldn’t dream of wanting me to change anything about myself. You can’t even begin to imagine how important that is to me.
There are very few people who have an open invitation to hug me whenever they feel like it…my husband and son, obviously. However trying to convince a teenage boy that it’s ok to hug his mom without losing his cool factor is like climbing Mt. Everest! There are also a few close friends that I enjoy getting a hug from, but I can probably count them on one hand.
Hugging isn’t always black and white, though. There is gray area where a hug is expected and can be okay, such as when greeting or saying goodbye to family or friends that may not be as close as others. However, if it turns into hugging out of habit or just for the sake of doing it, it becomes very uncomfortable.
What is not tolerable, is those who are huggers and expect everyone else to be. Those who want to hug you without giving a thought to what you want, and then get upset if you refuse them. Family can sometimes be the worst offenders of this! There are memes going around that say “When this quarantine is over I’m going to go out and hug everyone I see!” Please don’t…I beg you. Second wave coronavirus aside, it just won’t end well.
It boggles my mind how someone can feel they are entitled to a hug just because they are huggers and they want one. It’s like thinking you can go up and touch a pregnant woman’s stomach just because she’s pregnant. This is not ok! I personally feel it’s a violation. If this is you, please stop and realize that not everyone wants you in their personal space. Not everyone is a hugger and you can’t expect them to do it just because you are.
I said in the beginning that I wasn’t sure if this is really an introvert trait, or if it just depends on the person. I’m interested to find out where you stand on this! Drop a comment and let me know if you’re an extrovert or introvert and if you’re a hugger or a non-hugger. If you’re a non-hugger, let me know if you share my feelings or if there’s something else that you attribute this trait to.