Why Am I S.A.D.?

Seasonal Affective Disorder. *Sigh*

This year winter has been uncharacteristically warmer than others, so I thought I would get through this season without experiencing my annual “winter blues”. Unfortunately, S.A.D. has set in and made itself at home. It’s not just the colder temperatures that trigger it. The decrease in natural sunlight is the bigger culprit.

I’ve always dreaded the time when it gets dark at 5:00pm. It feels like the day is over only a couple hours after I get home from work, which makes me want to call it a night and crawl in bed as soon as twilight sets in, but my mind knows that it’s definitely not time yet. That’s just the S.A.D. talking. It is quite the struggle to keep from just collapsing on the recliner, fatigued, and sometimes I lose that battle. This, of course, leads to guilt, which leads to self-shaming, which eventually makes feelings of worthlessness emerge. And what do you do when your guilty conscious berates you until you just don’t care?

EAT of course! And there’s no choosing the healthy celery and carrot sticks, no sir. It is time for ice cream and cakes, pasta and breads! All of those tasty treats that will surely pack on the pounds while I’m curled up in the corner of my couch because I don’t have one ounce of energy. Plus, I can’t remember what I was supposed to get done that evening, so I might as well just stay where I’m at.

And God help anyone who points out my shortcomings. As if I’m not wrought with enough guilt already, now someone else notices and if they say anything about it, so help me, the claws are coming out.

I’m not quite sure how to deal with this. Force myself to get some exercise? Make sure there’s no junk food in the house? Get a mood light? Maybe move closer to the equator, but that’s a bit extreme.

I’ll get through it. I do every year. Only 5 more weeks until spring.