7 Myths About Introverts That Aren’t True
One myth about introverts is that we are fine doing everything on our own, and we don’t need other people in our lives.
When I inform people that I’m an introvert, my intention is always so that they can understand me better. If the people in my life know that my social batteries are limited and that my tendency to retreat is nothing personal, this gives them the opportunity to find peace in our differences. It also allows me to own my truth, set boundaries, and ensure that I am consistently in an inspired (rather than drained) state of being.
Yet the moment we let someone know we’re an introvert, there are always people whose imaginations take over, becoming riddled with misconceptions about what the term “introvert” means.
“Oh, so you don’t like people?” a friend might say to us, when, in reality, we love people — so long as we have enough healthy time and space independently to love ourselves. We were not built to play the soccer game of social dynamics for too long; we tend to be more like long-distance runners, as we are observers who might like to focus on one aspect of life at a time.
Because the acknowledgement of different personalities has only recently become part of a broader, worldwide conversation, it is important for us to sift the facts from the myths when it comes to “the introverted condition,” as I like to call it. In this article, I will reflect on seven common misconceptions about introverts, including those that others may have and even those we may have about ourselves.
7 Myths About Introverts
1. Introverts hate people.
It can be immensely difficult for people — especially extroverts — to grasp that an introvert’s quietness is not a byproduct of bitterness. Unfortunately, too often quietness is mistaken for a lack of care, passion, or enjoyment of the present moment with others.
The ultimate introverted truth is that being in our inner world allows us to be better for the outer world. We retreat to this space because we don’t take life at face value — a choice that, if anything, implies a deep and profound love for humanity.
Moreover, many of us are highly sensitive people (HSPs) with a genuine care for the world, expressed through our commitment to self-improvement and making a difference in our work. Our energy is always focused in a fundamentally human way; you just can’t sense this when you don’t see us smiling or hear us talking non-stop for an hour.
(Are you a highly sensitive person? Here are 27 “strange” things sensitive people do.)
It’s important to realize that there is so much more depth beneath the calm exterior of an introvert.
2. Introverts and extroverts can’t enjoy each other’s company.
Extroverts tend to be energy givers; introverts tend to be energy absorbers. Every giver needs someone to give to, and every absorber needs someone solid to lean on. The exchange of energy between extroverts and introverts — when both are willing to understand and embrace the other’s authentic self — is truly fulfilling.
When each individual stays true to their boundaries — the introvert knowing when to retreat inward and the extrovert when to explore the external world — both appreciate what they have to offer each other.
In my opinion, extroverts who surround themselves solely with other extroverts may find themselves out of balance, and vice versa. Extroverts may approach burnout or go long periods without slowing down to self-reflect, so much so that they might lose sight of who they truly are.
Conversely, when introverts remain isolated, they can easily fall into “analysis paralysis,” overthinking, wallowing, or even adopting cynical, pessimistic worldviews.
Thus, both personality types benefit from a healthy dose of each other’s company — even if only once a week — to experience a different side of life that keeps their minds and hearts open and inspired. Extroverts bring much-needed opportunity and spontaneity into an introvert’s life, while introverts offer a calmer, recharging presence that provides balance for extroverts.
3. Introverts can’t thrive beyond their inner world.
If our inner world is our comfort zone, then the external world is filled with potential for growth — a platform through which we can act on our thoughts and feelings in a way that inspires us.
Initially, it is common for introverts to feel that the statement “I can’t engage in the social world” is true. Much of our growth lies in understanding how to channel our inner world into external opportunities; therefore, “I can learn to engage in the social world in a way that works for me” is a more affirming statement.
An introvert I know once wrote about herself: “I’m an introvert; however, because I want my business to thrive, I understand that I must engage in social activities.” If we live our lives away from the social world for too long, our reality ultimately turns into a fantasy. We weren’t built to be around others 24/7. However, spending a few hours a day applying our knowledge externally or sharing with others isn’t just an option for our well-being — it is a necessity.
4. Introverts aren’t “leader” material.
We live in a society where the person speaking the loudest often receives the most attention and is considered by others to be a leader. Yet just because someone speaks loudly does not mean the message they offer is necessarily the most correct.
As author Mark Manson recently wrote, “In the age of information overload, expertise is not knowing lots of stuff — it’s the ability to sort the useful from the useless.”
People who offer direction (as leaders do) about what is “useful” and “useless” need to be thoughtful, conscientious, and willing to look beyond the surface — and we introverts naturally spend most of our time doing this in our heads! (Yes, extroverts often have these capabilities, too! However, these aspects of personality are more often associated with introversion.)
Due to the immense amount of time that introverts spend weighing the pros and cons of ideas and strategically making decisions long before acting on them, quiet leadership often becomes the saving grace in all areas of life. It serves us in our jobs, within our relationships, and even in our relationship with ourselves.
To be a leader, in my view, is to be a mindful self-starter. It is not about telling other people what to do or pretending you know how to do everything because you are in a “leadership position.” Rather, it is about listening deeply, thinking intricately, and then giving a nudge either to yourself (or others) based on your conclusion.
Oftentimes, introverted leaders are behind-the-scenes leaders. In our quietness, what we are often thinking about — or seeking to observe — are the missing pieces of the puzzle. Think about going on a canoe trip: The person who navigates the team is just as important as the person who took their time to ensure that everything was planned, packed, and placed correctly.
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5. Introverts do fine 100 percent on their own.
Depending on where you are in your introverted journey, you might relate to something I’ve struggled with. I recently noticed that this is an area where I can become stronger: Oftentimes, I have a hard time admitting that my solitude is beginning to fade into stubbornness. Introverts want — and need — meaningful human interaction; the quantity and quality of those interactions, in part, determine our happiness.
Introverts might try to do everything on their own, internalizing all of our thoughts and feelings and using them as motivation to move forward without telling a single soul. As a result, we may not struggle with staying driven as much as extroverts, who might become more distracted along the way.
However, we fall out of balance when we deny the people in our lives who try to offer us a helping hand. “I’m used to doing everything on my own and finding my own answers” is our default response — but when our intuition tells us that it’s time to reach out, even in the smallest way to ask for or receive support, we ought to do so.
6. Introverts are smarter than extroverts — in all areas.
Beyond the personality categories we use to understand ourselves, I believe it’s important to acknowledge that our ego may sometimes try to convince us that being an introvert or an extrovert makes us inferior or superior to the other. I look up to several extroverts in my life because they are naturally gifted in areas that I find absolutely daunting and draining to get through! Yet they may not be able to spend several hours “in the zone” as I do.
Most of the time, extroverts thrive in the unpredictable dance of everyday social interactions — a fact that never fails to amaze me. Introverts, on the other hand, thrive in controlled and peaceful environments. Sometimes noisy and chaotic stimulation is okay for us, but we cannot handle it constantly.
When I look at what the opposite of my personality is able to accomplish, I am often filled with immense gratitude. If the world consisted solely of introverts, so many jobs would go undone.
To live in a balanced society, both social and quiet roles need to be filled. We need the researchers and the firefighters; we need the musicians and the kindergarten teachers. Both introverts and extroverts are subject to the human condition of having both strengths and weaknesses.
7. If I am an introvert, I will forever be misunderstood.
I went through a phase in my life where I thought I was too “deep.” I feigned extroversion for a period of time to gain social approval because my inner world was so intricate that I felt like a complete outsider compared to how others behaved around me. But long ago I realized how immature and unrealistic it was to think that I would never be understood.
Yes, as introverts we all have our inner worlds. But within these personal realms lie unique assets known only to us. When you stop striving to be an outsider, you realize that there are many people in the world with whom you share so much and with whom you can truly grow.
I think what online communities like Introvert, Dear remind us is that there are millions of others out there who often feel the same way we do. Saying that we are “misunderstood” only breeds loneliness, while seeking out resources and communities similar to us reminds us that many fellow introverts are on earth, too. 
