What It’s Like Being an INFJ in Love

ByAmelia Brown

As the world’s rarest personality type, being an INFJ in love is a unique and beautiful experience.

If you’re an INFJ like me, you likely prefer long-term, lasting romantic relationships over casual encounters. However, sometimes things just don’t work out, and an INFJ is forced to move on. I’ve had my fair share of heartache and disappointment, though I seldom feel that my heart has been completely broken beyond repair.

(Are you an INFJ? Here are 16 signs you’re an INFJ, the world’s rarest personality type.)

This resilience is not because I’m callous or cold-hearted. You see, it takes a lot for the private and highly sensitive INFJ to open up and be vulnerable with another person. We crave deep connections and strive for the ideal romance. This may seem unrealistic to some other personality types, but INFJs possess a unique balance of idealism and realism.

Like anyone else, we want a good relationship, ripe with love, passion, and both emotional and physical intimacy. And we INFJs will do whatever it takes to build one — but only with the right person.

As the world’s rarest personality type, being an INFJ in love is a unique and beautiful experience. But it’s also a human experience, with INFJs experiencing all the same insecurities and anxieties that any other personality type might feel.

So, what is it like being an INFJ in love? Here are seven things that might occur when an INFJ meets the right person.

INFJs are peculiar creatures. Unlock the secrets of the rare INFJ personality by signing up for our FREE email series. You’ll get one email per week, with no spam. Click here to subscribe.

An INFJ in Love

1. We’re fiercely loyal and protective of our relationship.

Most INFJs have only a few close relationships; we don’t consider everyone our friend. As the rarest personality type, we view the world uniquely, meaning we don’t connect with just anyone. Although we’re people-oriented — often considered extroverted introverts — we often feel lonely in crowds and need alone time to recharge our energy. Being introverts, we prefer a few meaningful relationships over many superficial ones.

But the relationships we do have are deep and lasting. We are naturally nurturing people. When an INFJ falls in love with you, you become our top priority. We will do everything we can to protect our relationship and care for you.

2. We’re your biggest fan.

We will push you to be your best self while simultaneously accepting you exactly as you are (it seems contradictory, but somehow we pull it off). We see the potential you carry, and we are more than willing to remind you of how capable you are of pursuing your goals. For example, we might encourage you to apply for a job you’re passionate about even if you’re nervous about the qualifications.

INFJs love helping people. We also enjoy watching people learn and grow. If there’s ever a time you doubt yourself, an INFJ will remind you of how great you are, because we honestly believe you are great.

However, sometimes our empathy for others can go too far. INFJs may find themselves in codependent relationships or being targeted by narcissists. That’s why it’s important for us to set healthy boundaries.

3. We open up to you — but at our own pace.

When you spend time with us one-on-one, we’ll get into conversations that cover a lot of ground, from traumatic moments in our childhood to our thoughts on the current political climate. But there is always more to discover. For INFJs, there’s no rush to reveal information about ourselves, especially if we’re sure we’ve met the right person. We hate small talk and prefer to get to the good stuff as soon as we can.

As we open up, you’ll see more of our inner world, which is surprisingly spontaneous and adventurous (even if it may not seem that way at first glance). You will learn about what awakens our passion and what has hurt us in the past. We’ll open the door to our secret thoughts and feelings — a door that has probably been closed for a long time.

This is a big deal to us. Please tread lightly.

4. We think about you. A lot.

INFJs, like many introverted personality types, are often accused of overthinking and being too “in our heads.” And yes, it’s true, sometimes this tendency creates problems for us. We might lie awake thinking about something embarrassing we did five years ago. Or we pore over the conversation we had earlier in the day with you, wondering if something we said hurt or disappointed you.

In truth, if we love you, we’ll spend time analyzing and reflecting on our time together. We also daydream, and yes, our fantasies will be about you.

Yet as cerebral as we are, we’re also quite sensitive and emotional. We not only feel our own emotions intensely but are also sensitive to your moods. INFJs are highly sensitive people who tend to absorb the emotional states of the people around us. In other words, if you’re excited, we’re excited. But if you’re stressed, we’ll probably start to feel that stress — mentally and even physically — in our bodies, too.

(Are you a highly sensitive person? Here are 27 “strange” things highly sensitive people do.)

5. Our actions say more than our words.

Although INFJs can write one helluva love letter, we may not be the best at expressing our feelings verbally. After all, introverts tend to be better at expressing themselves in writing rather than speaking out loud.

Instead, we might express our love through our actions. Sometimes I withhold my feelings verbally, but I will show someone just how much I care by helping them with something, touching or hugging them, or just being there for them. If we love you, you’ll see the signs — even if we’re not saying anything out loud.

6. Even though we love you, we still need space.

INFJs have some peculiar traits, such as being fascinated by people but being true loners at heart. We spend a great deal of time observing the world around us and quietly working toward our goals. We need time to decompress from what can be, for us, a harsh and exhausting world. So please don’t take it personally if we need time alone.

But it’s nice to be “alone” with you, too. I’ve found that if I truly love someone, then I often prefer to spend my “alone time” with that person. Even if we’re sitting around the house reading, I can still decompress while being with the person I love.

7. We will never forget you.

If for some reason the relationship doesn’t work out, please know that we will never forget you. Most INFJs take their relationships — both romantic and otherwise — very seriously. If an INFJ has ever been in love with you, then you know just how deep our love can be.

Even though we may never get the chance to say it, thank you for letting us reveal so much of who we are. It’s a real relief for us to open up to someone we trust. And it doesn’t happen very often.

Even if you are no longer with your INFJ, rest assured, you will always hold a special place in their heart.

Want to learn more about the mysterious INFJ? Unlock the secrets of the world’s rarest personality type by subscribing to our FREE email series. You’ll get one email per week, with no spam. Click here to subscribe.

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Amelia Brown is a twenty-something free spirited type who enjoys writing, reading, and interacting with animals. She feels she cannot be a complete human without a cup of coffee in the morning. She is constantly seeking sources of inspiration and her biggest wish is to inspire someone else. She is a contributing writer for Introvert, Dear.