Instructions on Loving an INFJ

INFJs seek a soul-to-soul connection. They want to deeply know their partner and be deeply known in return.

As INFJs, we can make friends with almost anyone, but it’s rare for us to truly feel a close connection with someone. If an INFJ has chosen you, you can count on them to invest in and nurture the relationship.

You’re probably already aware of how sensitive, complex, and sometimes mysterious we INFJs can be — but it’s exactly that complexity we long to share with you. INFJs seek a soul-to-soul connection, and in a romantic relationship, they want to deeply know their partner and be deeply known in return. Once we feel comfortable with you, we’ll hold little back, always choosing the raw and real over the shallow and superficial.

With that in mind, here are seven ways to show love to an INFJ.

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How to Love an INFJ

1. Hugs are important.

As introverts, we tend to be reserved when it comes to showing affection, and we may even feel self-conscious about PDA. However, once we warm up to you, our true personality comes out, and we can be incredibly affectionate. One of the best ways to show us love is by reaching out — literally. Like other introverts, we often retreat into the rich worlds inside our minds, and your physical touch helps bring us back to the present moment. Sometimes, we need that gentle reminder to return to reality and be with the one we love.

2. Your encouragement matters.

As passionate individuals, we INFJs pursue what we want with relentless determination — sometimes to the point of overly ambitious perfectionism. We may work ourselves to exhaustion, and even though we act like we have it all together, we often doubt ourselves when things don’t go as our meticulous mind has planned. Your steadfast encouragement means the world to us.

This intense determination carries over into our relationships as well. If we want you in our life, we’ll make it known, and we’ll work hard to ensure you stay there. The downside is that sometimes this leads to us sacrificing too much, submerging our own needs and preferences for the sake of our partner. What we ask is that you meet us halfway.

3. Remind us to take care of ourselves.

As INFJs, we spend a great deal of time thinking about others. We observe people closely, generally read them well, and notice their emotions — even the ones they try to hide. This can leave little time for us to process our own feelings, unless we take time away from others to reconnect with ourselves.

For instance, when I was younger, I often retreated to my bedroom when I needed time alone to process my thoughts and emotions. My mom noticed this behavior and would check on me to make sure I was okay. However, she always understood that I enjoyed spending time alone and knew how sensitive I am. Her gentle inquiries reminded me that I was cared for, without pressuring me to leave the solitude of my room before I was ready. INFJs need this kind of caring from our romantic partner as well.

(Speaking of sensitive people… many INFJs are highly sensitive people. Are you one? Here are 27 “strange” things highly sensitive people do.)

4. Take an interest in our creative pursuits.

INFJs are deeply creative people. As I mentioned earlier, we spend a lot of time in our heads, where our imagination truly comes alive. If we could, we’d make the real world as beautiful as the worlds we create in our minds. Taking a genuine interest in our creative pursuits means a lot to us. Whether it’s listening to our new favorite album, reading our poetry, or walking around an art museum with us, we’ll deeply appreciate your interest in our creative inner world.

5. Be honest.

There’s little an INFJ dislikes more than dishonesty. We crave authenticity in our relationships, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. INFJs have sharp intuition and deep insight into people, so any dishonesty is likely to be obvious to us. While we may not directly accuse you of lying or hiding your true motives, we always wish you’d be upfront about how you really feel. Your INFJ thinks the world of you, and there’s probably little you could do to change that. So, if you love an INFJ, be honest with them — it will spare both of you misunderstandings and unnecessary pain.

6. Appreciate our adventurous side.

INFJs are often misunderstood as being overly serious. While we may seem calm and reserved to outsiders, those who know us best understand how playful and spontaneous we can be. What may look like a sudden road trip to the next state is often a daydream your INFJ has carefully planned and turned into reality. Our adventurous side comes from our desire to spend quality time with the people we love. As natural planners, we’ll think of new and exciting things to do with you — organizing everything from the hotel to the sightseeing spots to the playlist for the drive. Please appreciate the thought we put into these adventures, and hold our hand the whole way there.

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7. Be “alone” with us.

One of the best ways to love an INFJ is to spend quality time with them. While we’re generally okay with being social (though we “extroverted” introverts have our limits), if you want our relationship to truly flourish, meaningful one-on-one time is key. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate; a simple night in, sharing deep conversation with hands intertwined, is perfect. Sneaking away from the world to be “alone” with us is not only romantic but also reminds us that you value our presence above all else. Like anyone, INFJs want to be appreciated for their unique qualities. Spending intentional time together — away from the busyness of life — shows the INFJ that they are the most important person in your world.

Watch carefully, the magic that occurs when you give a person just enough comfort to be themselves. – atticus

You might like:

• The Truth About the INFJ Door Slam
• The Odd Things INFJs Do Under Stress
• 27 ‘Strange’ Things You Do Because You’re a Highly Sensitive Person