6 Things to Do When You’re a Stressed Introverted Parent and Need Relief

Here’s how I calm down when I’m feeling overwhelmed but can’t step away from my young kids.

Last week, as I was carrying my almost-three-year-old son — who had refused to wear shoes that morning — into the house, I got stung by a wasp. By the time we made it inside with all our stuff, my hand was throbbing, my son was crying, and I could feel myself on the verge of a total meltdown (the fact that our day began with both kids melting down before school didn’t help).

I called my husband, who was stuck at work, then tried three other people, all of whom were also busy. I had to face it: There was no one coming to save me. It was just me, my wild child, and my ever-growing sense of stress and overwhelm.

I’d like to say I took a deep breath and calmly handled the situation like an adult, but honestly, I threw myself a little pity party first — I am human, after all. However, once I realized I was on my own, I managed to do a few quick things that brought the chaos in my mind down a notch — enough for me to catch my breath and slow down.

Introverted Parents Need Stress Relief

So what did I do? First, I shamelessly turned on my son’s favorite show (thank you, Ms. Rachel!) and settled him on the couch with a bowl of Goldfish crackers. Then, I headed back to the kitchen, guzzled some water (because somehow, drinking water solves 99 percent of all problems), closed my eyes, and took a few slow, deep breaths. I might have shed a few tears too, but hey, it’s a healthy way to release stress hormones!

While I’m all for scheduling time away from the kids (and everyone else) for self-care and recharging, especially as a highly sensitive introvert, the reality is that sometimes we get overwhelmed between these solo times. In those moments, we must find ways to cope with the kids around (usually while they’re climbing all over us, whining, complaining, screaming, and playing with the loudest toys they can find).

(Speaking of sensitivity… Are you a highly sensitive person? Here are 27 “strange” things highly sensitive people do.)

Here are six quick tips I’ve used to manage stress while the kids are around, and no one is coming to save you but yourself.

How to Relieve Stress With Children Nearby

1. Take some deep breaths… with your kids.

Talking to your kids about being overwhelmed, what it feels like, and how to cope with it can be incredibly powerful. Use your own moments of stress to simply state how you feel. Then, explain that taking a deep breath can help you feel more calm.

My toddler, in particular, found the deep breaths hilarious, and his laughter was contagious. What was about to be a moment of me losing my ever-loving mind turned into a roar of laughter with my kids. Not only did the entire mood shift, but over time, I’ve also seen my five-year-old start taking deep breaths on her own. We often aren’t the only ones trying to cope with feeling overwhelmed!

2. Move your body.

Whether it’s a workout, going for a walk, or hosting a dance party in the kitchen, moving your body is a fantastic way to regulate your nervous system. When we feel overwhelmed and on the brink of snapping (which happens to all of us sometimes!), it’s a sign that our nervous system is dysregulated and needs some attention. Movement is an excellent tool for this. And if your overwhelm is about to turn into a moment of mom rage, throwing a Taylor Swift dance party or doing some cardio kickboxing are my top go-to options.

3. Play “The Quiet Game.”

Playing “The Quiet Game,” ideally even before you feel overwhelmed, is an excellent strategy when you really need it. That way, your kids will be ready to play along.

Plus, it’s every highly sensitive, introverted parent’s secret weapon: Challenge the kids to see how long they can whisper, read books, or tiptoe through the house — all as quietly as possible. You can even kick off the game by having everyone turn off anything that makes noise as quickly as possible (like the TV, Kindles, noisy toys, etc.). And when you’re really desperate, you can bribe them — I mean, offer a prize to the child who can stay the quietest for the longest.

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

4. Get outside.

There’s just something about letting all the noise escape the house that feels like turning the pressure valve off. It’s as if the noise has somewhere to go — rather than just bouncing off the walls and around your head. Plus, the kids can run around and expend their energy while you get some fresh air to calm your nerves. Whether you go to the park, take a hike, or simply hang out in the backyard, it’s a win-win for everyone.

Studies have also highlighted the benefits of getting outdoors — it can reduce cortisol levels, relieve muscle tension, and even lower heart rate. So when things start to get too intense, open the doors and let everyone (including yourself) run free!

5. “Brain dump” into your journal.

One of the best things I’ve started doing is journaling on a regular basis. But it’s not structured or prompted — it’s simply a “brain dump.” This means writing down whatever is on your mind (which, for us highly sensitive introverts, is usually quite a lot). And let’s face it, sometimes you don’t have anyone to vent to, and you certainly don’t want to unload all your negativity onto the kids.

So, grab a notebook and a pen, and just scribble it all down on the page. No one will read it; you don’t even have to reread it yourself! Just getting it out of your head can be incredibly relieving. You’d be surprised at how much lighter you feel when you allow yourself a way to process all the “noise” in your mind.

6. Make your own “go-to list” of coping mechanisms.

It’s inevitable that, at some point — particularly for highly sensitive, introverted parents — we will get overwhelmed with all that comes with caring for our sweet little ones… and there won’t always be other people around to help. (Though it is vital to lean on whoever you have, as much as you can, even if you don’t like asking for help as an introvert.)

One really great way to be proactive and set yourself up to handle these moments is to create your own “go-to list” of things that help you cope during overwhelming times. Some options that can help are cleaning up all the clutter (as the visual stimulus can be overwhelming too), hiding in the bathroom (the kids need to learn about privacy, right?), starting a meditation practice with the kids, minimizing your to-do list, or having a stash of special snacks to pacify the kids for a few minutes to give you a break.

There’s no “right” or “wrong” way, and certainly no single activity that will work for everyone. The key is to find what works for you and your kiddos, and use it whenever you need to. Our kids will also learn these coping skills as we model them!

As highly sensitive, introverted parents, we are prone to overwhelm — and it’s important to pay attention to ourselves so we can be the loving, empathetic, happy parents we strive to be.

My fellow introverted parents, are there any tips you’d add? Put them in the comments below!

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