The Real Reasons Introverts Hate Phone Calls
Introverts might hate phone calls because they are highly intrusive. Unlike a text, a phone call demands immediate attention.
I often avoid working with any companies that require phone calls. For food delivery, I only choose restaurants that offer online ordering. I generally only answer my phone if I recognize the caller, and even then, it’s iffy whether I’ll pick up.
As an introvert, I really hate phone calls.
I know I’m not the only one. Some people actually experience serious anxiety about making phone calls, known as telephonophobia. According to Forbes, hating phone calls might also be common among millennials who remember the pre-internet era, when reaching someone took more than a few taps on a screen. Gen Z also appears to have a fear of talking on the phone, according to CBS News. It’s a well-recognized issue; there are even memes dedicated to the topic.
Although many people generally dislike phone calls, introverts often find them particularly distressing. This can be confusing for those who don’t hesitate to make a call. When introverts don’t answer their phones, their friends and loved ones might feel rejected.
Why do introverts hate phone calls? It starts with the fact that phone calls are so damn intrusive.
Why Introverts Hate Phone Calls
No Time to Prepare
As I mentioned, a ringing phone is highly intrusive. It’s like an alarm clock or a crying baby — it demands attention RIGHT NOW!
When we get a call, we must quickly shift our focus, which can be jarring, especially if we were in the middle of something. This can be particularly frustrating for introverts, who often concentrate deeply no matter what they are doing, whether they’re cleaning the garage or answering an email. It’s kind of like being yanked out of a dream by a sudden splash of cold water.
Moreover, we don’t have time to mentally prepare for the conversation, which is challenging for us introverts because we typically like to think through our responses and choose our words carefully. Without this preparation time, we may feel rushed and less confident in our interactions. This lack of preparation can lead to anxiety or discomfort, making spontaneous conversations more stressful than they are for extroverts.
Too Much Small Talk, Not Enough Feedback
Additionally, many phone calls, especially the initial moments, are chock-full of small talk. Since introverts are not fond of small talk, this can start the call on an awkward note. This superficial chatter often feels insincere, and if you’re anything like me, you’re left wondering how long you need to engage in it to be polite before transitioning to the “real” conversation.
Honestly, introverts may not be the best phone buddies. Generally, we tend to take our time to think things through before responding. (This also explains why we’re such good listeners; you’re welcome.) Those long, awkward pauses between thought and spoken word do not translate well over the phone. And, the more talkative our conversation partner is, the less we may get to say, and eventually, we might lose interest and stop trying to keep the conversation going.
Non-verbal communication, also known as body language, is incredibly important in conversations. Introverts rely heavily on observation skills, and not being able to see our conversation partner can add a layer of frustration. (Zoom calls aren’t much better; here’s why.) Over the phone, we can’t read the other person’s facial expressions to gauge their true feelings, or predict when they’re about to speak to avoid interrupting. Many introverts find social interaction to be uncomfortable at best; lacking helpful visual cues can make it worse.
We’re In Our Heads
Finally, getting an introvert to focus on the intangible nature of a phone conversation can be challenging. There’s always a lot going on in our heads (thanks to overthinking), and adding a disembodied voice into the mix can be overwhelming. It can be so exhausting that it may lead us to retreat further into our thoughts. This, in turn, forces us to pull ourselves back to the conversation.
Needless to say, our phone buddy may not receive the attention they deserve.
Introverts can be confusing. Get our FREE email series to demystify the introverts in your life. You’ll get one email per week, with no spam. Click here to subscribe.
Tips for Making Phone Calls More Comfortable
Even as introverts who might hate phone calls, sometimes they’re unavoidable. I wish we could schedule every appointment online and that Grandma would learn to text. But, alas, we occasionally have to make a phone call.
Luckily, there are a few ways to make this less daunting. Here’s what helps me:
- Have a plan. For business calls, take some time before to draft a quick script or key points. This helps avoid awkward pauses or stumbling over words. Find a quiet, private spot for your call to avoid interruptions and ensure privacy. Keep a notepad handy to write down important points you don’t want to forget.
- Schedule it. For calls with friends and family, agree on a time that works for both and add it to your calendar. They’ll know you’ll actually answer the call, and you’ll have plenty of time to mentally prepare yourself for the conversation.
- Stay engaged. It might seem strange, but simple multitasking can help you stay focused. Do a mindless activity like doodling, cleaning, or assembling a puzzle. Using a headset or Bluetooth headphones frees you up to move around, which can also ease anxiety. You’ll keep the restless part of your mind occupied while retaining your focus on the conversation.
- Reward yourself. Even if it’s a call with someone you love, phone conversations might not be your favorite activity. Motivate yourself by planning a treat for after the call — whether it’s a slice of chocolate cake, a walk in the park, a new book, or just some quiet time. Choose what makes you happy!
How to Use Your Phone Less
Just because you need to take a phone call now and then doesn’t mean it should dominate your life. If you’re looking for ways to use your phone less, here’s what you can do:
- Change your ringtone to something calming or fun, or switch it off altogether.
- Record a voicemail message that directs callers to text you instead.
- When filling out forms that ask for contact details, give your email address instead of your phone number whenever you can.
- When sharing your number with friends, let them know you usually don’t answer calls and prefer texting.
- If you miss a call from a friend or relative, reply with a text.
- Make it a habit to promptly respond to DMs and texts from loved ones. This reinforces that these are the best ways to reach you.
Most people now own a smartphone, so almost everyone can text. If you’ve made it clear you hate phone calls and are responsive through other means, people should respect your communication preferences. 
