The INFJ Paradox: Contradictions That Define the Rarest Type

INFJs are emotional yet logical, introverted yet extroverted. Sometimes we might feel like we are two different people.

INFJs are unique. Not only are they the rarest Myers-Briggs type, perhaps making up just 1-2 percent of the population, but their INFJ personality traits often seem contradictory. As an INFJ myself, sometimes I feel like I’m two different people.

On one hand, we INFJs are deeply empathetic and compassionate, always striving to help others and make the world a better place. On the other hand, we can be intensely private and reserved, needing time alone to recharge and reflect. We are both dreamers and doers, capable of envisioning idealistic futures while also taking practical steps to achieve our goals.

(Are you the rarest personality type in the world? Here are 16 signs that you’re an INFJ.)

Here are eight paradoxes of the INFJ, based on my own experience.

The INFJ Paradox

1. I’m an extroverted introvert.

Here’s the constant dialogue in my mind: “I love everyone! I want to be best friends with everyone and be around them all the time.”

A few minutes later: “Okay, everyone needs to leave me alone… for three days… so I can recharge and read books. No, we can’t read books together. That’s it, I’m going to become a recluse and never talk to anyone again.”

Somewhat hot and cold behavior is not uncommon for INFJs. We may be mistaken for ambiverts or extroverts, but as introverts, we need solitude. At the same time, we have a deep need to be around people and have meaningful conversations. This paradox is often seen in the way INFJs are private, reserved, and enigmatic, but also warm and welcoming towards others.

(Speaking of extroverted introverts, here are 10 signs that you are one.)

It’s our Extroverted Feeling function that secretly draws us towards people. I love people. I’m fascinated by people and psychology — how we work, how we become who we are, and the intricate layers of one’s being.

However, when I socialize for too long, my energy levels plummet. I need time to myself to process what I’ve experienced and recharge.

INFJs are peculiar creatures. Unlock the secrets of the rare INFJ personality by signing up for our FREE email series. You’ll get one email per week, with no spam. Click here to subscribe.

2. I’m calmly emotional.

Emotions. Oh my. Where to begin? INFJs are often regarded as very empathetic because they have the ability to absorb other people’s emotions. They tend to be highly sensitive people.

A highly sensitive person, according to Jenn Granneman in her book Sensitive, is someone who is more sensitive both physically and emotionally than most people. Sensitive people are often very empathetic, creative, and good at noticing small details that others might miss. Despite these strengths, society often tells them to hide their sensitivity.

As an INFJ, I am super sensitive and emotional. Super-duper. Yet, INFJs are paradoxical in that they might appear calm on the outside, despite the intense emotions they may be feeling inside. INFJs tend to keep most of their feelings bottled up, which can be unhealthy. They feel deeply but don’t always show it outwardly.

However, there are times when I get so angry, sad, happy, or overwhelmed that I literally shake from the intensity of my emotions. To some people, I might seem overly sensitive, and to others, I might seem calm and sometimes cold. The emotions of an INFJ are like an iceberg — most of it is hidden beneath the surface.

3. I’m both logical and creative.

INFJs are fascinated by the human experience and often love writing, making art, and expressing themselves creatively. However, they also have a scientific and strategic side. Thanks to their Introverted Intuition paired with Introverted Thinking, INFJs are logical, highly analytical, and eager to explore new ideas.

While INFJs can excel in analytical careers such as medicine and science, their focus on human nature makes creative expression essential for their happiness at work. The ability to tap into both their logical and creative sides means that INFJs make excellent employees, friends, partners, and well-rounded decision-makers.

(Speaking of work, here’s the kind of work that excites an INFJ.)

4. I’m a pessimistic optimist.

Like many people, I have a contradictory view of humanity. As keen observers of human behavior, INFJs are often aware of people’s intentions, can detect lies easily, and understand the motives behind actions. Sometimes, I question my sanity because I feel like I see and understand people in ways others don’t.

Unfortunately, people sometimes do bad things to one another, which can make me feel cynical, angry, and even depressed. However, I also choose to see the best in others, and my negativity is often overshadowed by hope and compassion.

To quote Carl Rogers, “When I look at the world I am pessimistic, but when I look at people I am an optimist.” As an INFJ, this is how I view humanity.

5. I’m an inconsistent communicator.

I can be both a great and terrible public speaker. As an INFJ, I sometimes come across as scatterbrained, making my conversations seem incoherent and illogical. There are memes on the Internet comparing an INFJ’s mind to a computer with 100 tabs open. That’s how I feel when talking to people I don’t know well — I don’t function very well.

However, I can be a passionate and confident speaker when I prepare in advance. Given a moment to collect my thoughts, I’ve won almost every speaking or debating competition I’ve entered, and I took acting classes for many years. Despite being quiet, I’m definitely not shy, even though many people think I am.

Writing is my preferred method of communication. Almost every INFJ I know is a writer in some form, finding refuge in organizing their thoughts through the written word.

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

6. I fight for others but not for myself.

According to 16 Personalities, INFJs are the type most likely to right a wrong, create a social movement, or drive cultural change. Altruism is in the DNA of INFJs. Every day, in some small way, INFJs are fighting for others or a cause.

Once, someone I knew wrote me a letter that said, “The bravest person I know is the tiniest person I know. She’s scared of many things, but if someone needs her, she suddenly thinks she’s a twelve-foot giant that can take on the world.” If I feel I can help someone or if I see them being unfairly treated, I become a fierce advocate almost instantly. INFJs are known as “advocates” and “protectors” for a reason.

However, when it comes to myself, I often find it hard to speak up or set boundaries. This is a sad reality for many INFJs. For this reason, INFJs sometimes even become targets of narcissists or become entrenched in codependent relationships.

7. I see the big picture, miss the small steps, but am still a perfectionist.

I often have the answer without knowing how I got there. As an introvert and a sensitive person, my intuition generates great and eerily accurate insights.

However, it doesn’t provide me with the steps on how I reached that conclusion. When people ask, “How did you know XYZ would happen?” I can never provide a logical explanation. Honestly, my intuition told me. It’s like a magical fairy delivered the answer in an envelope. I just trust my intuition.

INFJs are big-picture thinkers. Sometimes INFJs are seen as psychics or prophets due to their ability to predict how things will unfold.

However, INFJs don’t always know how they know and tend to gloss over details. For example, I often forget to eat breakfast or reply to a text because I’m so focused on other parts of my day.

Paradoxically, INFJs are perfectionists. I often live by an “all or nothing” approach, even though it’s not healthy. When I work on something I care about, I try to make everything perfect, even though I know perfection is unattainable.

8. I’m a dreaming doer.

INFJs are dreamers. I’ve always been that person whose “head is in the clouds” or “off with the fairies.” Despite these air-headed labels, INFJs have a strong track record of success because they can turn their dreams into actions.

INFJs value deeds over words and hold themselves to the same standard. If we have an inkling of how to accomplish something, we’ll make it happen. The judging aspect of our personality gives us great organizational skills, allowing us to create step-by-step plans to reach our goals.

Some of the greatest dreamers and change-makers in the world were likely INFJs — Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, and Mahatma Gandhi.

INFJs are the dreaming doers of the world.

Although many INFJs feel misunderstood because of their paradoxes, I’m grateful for mine. They’re a big part of my personality and create balance in my life. I get to see, understand, live, and breathe the best of both worlds. This makes me even more capable of understanding and loving others, and for that, I am thankful.

Want to learn more about the mysterious INFJ? Unlock the secrets of the world’s rarest personality type by subscribing to our FREE email series. You’ll get one email per week, with no spam. Click here to subscribe.

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The INFJ Paradox: Contradictions That Define the Rarest Personality Type