Comments on: 3 Difficult Things About Being a Single Introvert Looking for Love

By: Tiffini

Tiffini — Wed, 07 Feb 2018 17:11:00 +0000

You have put perfectly into words what I’ve been thinking for a while now. I’m just going to work on becoming more self-aware of what triggers my flight response and have faith that my partner is just around the corner.

By: Anne-Liesse Persehaye

Anne-Liesse Persehaye — Wed, 07 Feb 2018 10:50:00 +0000

I can relate to everything you say so much, being an INFJ, except for the last part – getting caught up in scenarios. Don’t get me wrong- I might do it sometimes but, thanks to maturity and experience (I’m 45, soon 46!) I have managed to stay focused more and more on the here and now of… everything, relationships included. Not that I’ve dated that much recently anyway!!… Thanks for your post-it’s great to read that I’m not alone out there not wanting to join Tinder and stil believing – and dreaming of – a real life simple encounter. Keep going for your dreams, Cati!

By: Günther Beerten

Günther Beerten — Wed, 07 Feb 2018 09:58:00 +0000

I have the exact same thoughts about this topic. As an INFP I am completely opposed to the online dating scene. I don’t mind other people using it. But I hate it every time people tell me I should try to use it. Just like you I want it to happen organically. I don’t want it to feel forced.

By: Cati Vanden Breul

Cati Vanden Breul — Wed, 07 Feb 2018 02:40:00 +0000

In reply to Stephanie. Yeah, it can be hard when it seems like a waiting game. I think (hope?) it's a combination of being open to it, but also having an understanding of what you are looking for. It won't happen until it's meant to, but it can be tricky to navigate all the space in between. Good luck out there! :)

By: Cati Vanden Breul

Cati Vanden Breul — Wed, 07 Feb 2018 02:31:00 +0000

In reply to Bestisstill2come. Thank you for this very relevant comment. You make some great points about how some of it boils down to simply not needing to fill life with lots of people and attention, and the energy thing is at play as well. I agree about appreciating introversion! There are many things about being an introvert that I love and cherish. I too find a lot of wonder in exploring and truly do enjoy floating around on my own most of the time. But, as you say, sharing can make things just a bit sweeter. :)

By: Cati Vanden Breul

Cati Vanden Breul — Wed, 07 Feb 2018 02:16:00 +0000

In reply to Danielle Glubish. Yes, I can relate to feeling misunderstood in this area! Particularly with the Tinder thing! The idea seems to be you have to go on a lot of bad or uncomfortable dates, many of which there will be no connection or you won't want the same things, or just casually date person after person until you find something with more sticking power. It just doesn't sound appealing to me. I can't always explain fully why something does or doesn't feel right, but the feeling is what guides me! (INFP all the way here)

By: Cati Vanden Breul

Cati Vanden Breul — Wed, 07 Feb 2018 02:04:00 +0000

In reply to J Katz. Wow, I think we would be friends in real life. Thanks for reading, and I agree with 100% of your take 100% also!

By: Danielle Glubish

Danielle Glubish — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 21:55:00 +0000

Oh man, you put the words down that I could not express. I wish I could give this article to everyone I know, so they’d understand a bit better. Mostly I just get a lot judgement that the reason I’m alone is that I don’t ‘get out there’ or I’m not willing to ‘give it a chance’ even if I don’t feel that it feels right. Sometimes you just know, right? Being a romantic and an introvert is an especially deadly combination. I’m still looking for that ‘special’ moment to happen too, but get often told life isn’t like it is in books and movies….sigh….and this is why a read, like, a lot 🙂

By: J Katz

J Katz — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 14:19:00 +0000

I agree with all of this. I’m also torn between wanting a meaningful relationship and finding dating (especially meeting strangers from the internet) super stressful and uncomfortable. I especially agree with the “all or nothing” thing, as once I find someone who I click with, I just want to be with that person. I’ve always been that way with friendships too. The “meeting strangers” process is overwhelming and scary and takes away from my precious alone time, but the “being with a person I already like” experience is great, so once I meet someone I like why would I want more of the former?

Also, I’m not sure if us introverts are “dreamers” when we feel like something is off about modern dating norms or just attuned to what leads to real connection and compatibility for us and want doesn’t. Online apps can help some people meet each other, but also can enable superficial focus on appearance, a mindset that people are replaceable and interchangeable, and dishonesty around how one represents oneself. Plus, apps often remind me of what constitutes a “cool” girl in this culture (read: “spontaneous” adventurous” “outgoing” “up for anything”, etc.) in a way that sets off my insecurities.

By: Bestisstill2come

Bestisstill2come — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:40:00 +0000

I totally empathise with your observations. I pretty confident im way older than you but my feelings and frustrations are still the same. I’ve been single for long periods of time and this is in part down to how comfortable I feel on my own. I don’ŵt have the urge to rush out and meet people online or offline.

Daydreaming and romanticising are also 2 traits that I can relate to. The whole process of dating de-energises me. The last short relationship I was in started spontaneously outside of any dating app.

In spite of all of the frustrations that come with being a (male) Introvert, I’ve come to accept and appreciate my personality. My mindset is one of make the most of each day. If you are lucky to have someone special to enjoy it with, then so much the better.