Comments on: You’re Not Responsible for Other People’s Feelings

By: Angie Coll

Angie Coll — Fri, 08 Dec 2017 22:32:00 +0000

Did enjoy this, thank you!

By: Toby_W

Toby_W — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 17:33:00 +0000

In reply to Maro. If the person's perfume stayed on her body, it would not be a problem. When you are shooting particles into someone else's nose you have to be responsible for it.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Tue, 08 Nov 2016 09:34:18 +0000

LOVE this. Really ought to print this off and refer to it from time to time!

By: Empath

Empath — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 01:00:23 +0000

I agree with the article, but have not had good experiences with doing this. I wrote a letter to a lady and told her that I did not like the way she had changed a logo that I did, and found out that she was telling people that I had mental problems! Also had to enforce some family boundaries and now they are furious. So… be prepared. I do think you have the right to decide what is acceptable and what is not. People who have never had anyone tell them what to do will push back and, if they have a personality problem, be prepared for them to make life very rough for you.
They, of course, think that since you are sensitive that you will back down or get all emotional and apologize for speaking your mind. (Surprise them!)

By: jennah2005

jennah2005 — Mon, 12 Sep 2016 15:44:09 +0000

This is amazing, thank you.

By: Empathy in Parenting

Empathy in Parenting — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 04:07:27 +0000

This is such a helpful, lovely reminder. Thank you.

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 15:08:32 +0000

A good and validating article. One significant element of the whole dilemma of speaking up though, that you didn’t discuss. There’s a strong practical reason why many introverts choose not to speak up for themselves. There are extroverts out there (these particular extroverts are also sociopaths) who fight dirty. If you speak up to them, there’s no telling what they’ll do if you confront them, challenge them, rebuff them, or even just speak up to them. It’s a chance you take and it can be a gamble. There have been times that I spoke up, ended a grating situation with an inconsiderate person, and things improved. But there have been more times that I’ve spent months or even years dealing with the mess the other person made in retaliation.

This article will help further explain what I’m talking about: https://guypedliham.wordpress.com/2014/10/09/sociopath-empath-apath-triad/

By: Hemmer van Ukzahn

Hemmer van Ukzahn — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 17:57:15 +0000

There’s a difference between “telling them” and “asking them to” though. 🙂
It’s alright to ask, just tell them why it is a problem for you and if they could consider changing it up. You’ll be surprised how many people will easily do it, because it’s much less a hassle to them than you imagine it to be.

Struggled with this for a long time, but these last few years I’ve had a much easier time just speaking my mind and it’s a blessing.

By: Maro

Maro — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 12:32:39 +0000

I agree that you should not have to put other people above you but telling someone else not to wear a certain perfume is a bit too much, I feel, because you are pushing your own boundaries as close as the other persons body…

By: Grace

Grace — Wed, 24 Aug 2016 17:49:56 +0000

Fantastic post! Step 2 hit me especially hard. I hate face-to-face confrontation, and I know I express myself better in writing, but I’ve always pushed myself to do in person or not to do it at all. I need to give myself permission to communicate in writing without guilt. Thank you!

I also wrote a post that related to your point about holding responsibility only for yourself a little while ago. It was about emotion coaching with nonjudgment for ourselves and other people. You can check it out here if you’re interested: http://www.heartfulhabits.com/meta-emotions-emotion-coaching/